Jon Furniss

I’m going to preface this by saying I don’t know if this is actually part one of a series on why I might be single, or if this is the only part.  But I liked the title better with the Part I, so there’s that.

Before I begin with my (in my opinion) well thought out and more than subjective theories, here are the responses when I asked some friends out of the blue: “quick, i need a theory on why i am single: go!”

First: “umm you doubt yourself a lot?” My favorite part about this one (besides it being true) is the question mark at the end, the irony made me smile. =)

Second: “Maybe girls are intimidated by the amount of passion that you have. Because, from what I’ve noticed, you’re pretty damn passionate. ” This was interesting, and not something that I was really expecting, and I’m not even really sure what to say about it, but yeah.

Third:  “no one’s good enough for you” This one I didn’t like too much because I thought it was too much of a suck-up answer, but just for the sake of truthiness I included it anyway.

Fourth: “you are balancing student life with job life and trying to figure out who you are in this universe and what role you plan on taking, if any in society.  and you think it is unwise to get a girl friend at this point until you are more secure with yourself and the life you lead” However untrue that is, I thought it was very thought out, and an interesting attempt at trying to take things from my point of view.

Fifth: “the problem is you dont have many gorillas” FurnissLovesYou : please specify
“well the way i see it, no girl out there would turn down a guy soley because he owns some gorillas
but there MIGHT be some who, if they found out you owned gorillas, could swing your way.  it could be the one thing you need to push you above the rest of the single guys out there. worst case scenario, the girls are indifferent to the gorillas. you don’t have anything to lose, really.” You can guess out of all the responses which one the one guy who I asked was. I don’t even think that I need to comment…

Sixth: “i don’t know why you are single. i think it’s because you don’t put yourself out there” My response: “I’m going to get one of those sheets of paper with the tabs at the bottom and put my phone number on it.” On a more serious note, she was right, and yeah, I’ll get to that later I think.

So now things from my point of view:

I think the first reason that I am single is my lack of a social life. I mean, I have some friends, and we hang out somewhat often. But, firstly, none of those friends seem to know any girls who would be interested in me, or who they think I would be interested in. And then when we do hang out and whatnot, it’s highly unlikely that we end up anywhere that I could possibly meet anyone, as it’s usually just at people’s houses or at restaurants sequestered away at some table, and if there’s a cute waitress I found out then even when I’m drunk I’m too shy to talk to her… But yeah, that’s part one.

Secondly goes to what I said about the waitress, I am way too shy. I don’t know why, I don’t know how to change it, but I miss opportunities every day because I just can’t get any words past my tongue. The second problem is that any girls who I’d like would be girls who would like me right now, and I’m pretty sure that if I could broach my shyness and go talk to some girl out of the middle of nowhere that I was interested in, it would be a turn off for her. And if I didn’t scare her away like that, then she would probably be someone who I wouldn’t end up liking anyway. But then if somehow things did work out that leads me to my third theory, so…

Thirdly,  I am awkward. I cannot carry on a conversation for my life. I also never know what to say, how to say it, or when to say it. And well, that pretty much says it. It just doesn’t really help at all. I also trip on stuff sometimes.

So that concludes Part I of Theories on Why I am Single, tune in next time for the possibility of a next one.