Jon Furniss

• Ever since I started working at an underwear / lingerie store, I’ve been thinking about boobs a lot. I’m usually very quiet and reserved, and I find it quite liberating to be able to brazenly ask a complete stranger what her cup size is. One of my co-workers insists that I’ll eventually be able to discern a woman’s exact breast size just by looking at her. Neat party trick.
• I need to become more active again. I think about wheelchair basketball players, and one-legged marathon runners, and that guy at art school who broke his leg and used his skateboard with his crutches, and I suddenly feel compelled to go out there and somehow utilize my youth and agility and healthy appendages to their full 21-year-old potential. Pole-dancing, anyone?
• I’m pretty sure I want to be cremated. I read about a body that had to be exhumed, and when it was exposed, an extremely foul and toxic odor escaped into the air and killed whoever opened the casket. I wouldn’t want to do that to anybody.
• A portion of my extended family left this evening to go visit the Philippines for a few weeks. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since I’ve set foot on the motherland. I need to start saving up.
• Sometimes I wonder if I’d be a good lesbian lover. Particularly, sexually.
• My most recurring dreams / nightmares involve me being pregnant, getting into a car accident, or somehow screwing up in school.
• Existence. Has. Been. Hard. I am at a point where I feel like I am finally recovering from a terrible, terrible chapter in my life, like having been trampled by a herd of wildebeests, dragged up a tree by a leopard, and then sodomized by a rhinoceros. Time heals all things though, right?
• I need to start shopping for Mother’s Day. I want to surprise my Mommy with something awesome and impractical and unconventional and borderline useless but still really cool. Her bedroom is pretty dimly lit, and instead of garden-variety incandescent lighting, I thought maybe she should just hang this on her wall.

- Joyceline